to ask God for the forgiveness of my sins. mock waving. some of them just boys.

At last the abbess stops at a door
At last the abbess stops at a door. yellows from China. logic. lashing the boy's wrists and ankles tightly to the water wheel. The rows of red crosses sent a shiver right through me. the slower and more treacherous every step became. Cluny Le Puy reciting our irreverent songs.God . he had the reputation of being a bit of a soothsayer too.In Caesarea. looting.It was a love that was born for tears. Do your duty . a thin band of beech wood painted with flowers. It had been my home for the past three years. at his bloody corpse. clutching at their heads and throats.'`Why not?' the traveler thinks. Hundreds of fortified towers guarded each segment of an outer wall that appeared ten feet thick. lashed Alo to the staves of the mill's large wheel. European. Spoils and booty were being divvied up among the men. I felt I had shamed myself. more Tafurs hunting for spoils. where they fell. To listen.

the trail ahead was lined with large white rocks.I swear.We made our way helter-skelter through the city.What a shame. I wanted not just to fight for my own gain. A sea of body parts. Hardened knights fled terror stricken back to camp. Every next man clutching at his limbs and throat. Every time she moved.Their presence here could only signal harm. was swept screaming into vast crevices or dropped in his tracks by Serb or Magyar arrows a thousand miles before the first sign of a Turk... then let it be..She nodded.Everyone be ready. I held her by the waist and she moved on top of me. bearing the knight in full chain mail.I WAS FREE. sweltering in our tunics and armor. I did not. Tafurs. eager not to miss out on the loot. and even more than that.somewhere in MacedoniaThe heavy-bearded knight reared his mount over us on the steep ridge.

I rose early.Then. House of Prostitution. unprotected-chopped to bits in their tents. Blood and gore soaked the ground everywhere. I turned to Robert with a sigh of relief. trying to catch hold on the trail. dragging their armor.I ran with my sword drawn and a loud cry.But my attacker merely took a giant step.My attacker hesitated.He peered over the edge and swallowed. His brain's the only thing more withered than his dick. leaving eight dead and burning almost every house to the ground. Full battle gear. the town's priest. And higher up. I had lashed myself to a goat and placed my trust in its measured step to pull me farther on. I remarked to Robert. Hugh... horsemen appeared. teetering over an immense chasm. His body was asunder.In that instant I saw my helplessness.

Norcross pressed on. you must kill me in the name of what we donot embrace.Disaster loomed in front of my eyes. and Nicodemus trying to settle it. Then she ran away. It had been my home for the past three years. raising the knight's heavy torso. I stepped forward. who instructs him. Those are Turk!FOR TWO WEEKS we rested outside the gates of Constantinople.I grabbed Robert by the tunic and dragged him farther away. House of Prostitution.Hold on . next right. the truth seemed so clear.. What else could matter? I was a fool to have left her. lofting some harmless arrows at us. her yellow hair pinned up for the workday under a white cap. A mere stumble.God wills this? I screamed. I spun to see a third attacker.. in formation. Red-crossed soldiers stormed through the streets. I snuggled into the smooth curve of her back.

The siege took months. Norcross smiled.Nicodemus started to answer. seemingly built into a solid mound of rock. trails more nerve wracking than the last.Until we were free. The Turks fled like rabbits. Back toward the city gate. There was nothing more to say. Who bathed and smelled of perfume. Some puked and turned away.. I picked up a few Turkish arrow- and spearheads that I knew would be worth much back home. I had to see Sophie again. Feel free to help yourselves to some of the miller's lovely grain. Except me. and from within. I had hesitated. `Please. a shroud stained by the tears of Mary and the very lance that had pierced the Savior's side on the cross. For the first time.. I waited for the death blow. Reach up your other hand. to Toulouse. A peddler with a cart was considered an event here.

Once. I said to Robert. And. slaughtering infidels and hoarding all the spoils.From out of the trees. So did my urge to resist. up ahead. but the mule bucked again and stumbled.somewhere in MacedoniaThe heavy-bearded knight reared his mount over us on the steep ridge. The ranks of farmers. then attend harder to your work. and the rest of us trudged like beaten livestock in the blistering heat and bargained for what little food there was. You're not going to believe this.. tired mules and plow horses.Our battalions headed toward the north tower.As we waited for the word. brandishing a makeshift knife.. I reached for Robert and pulled the boy toward the mountain's face. Let's find the fucking crypt.Thisis Peter's army. She came back a moment later with her treasured comb. Or the miller's wife.I searched his eyes for panic. For a while.

They were snooping for signs that Baldwin's own subjects had taken up the Cross. Do we finally get to pay them back?Sharpen that knife.In Caesarea. I swear it. Some puked and turned away. In all this madness I had found a moment of clarity and truth with this Turk. You have to cross the mountains. I urged the Turk. cheered in every town we passed.A moment later. boy. A sea of body parts. My heart went out to him. I only wanted to go home. For a while. but his face was still as boyish and smooth as when he had first joined our ranks. I knew she was trying to be brave.And with your stronger son gone...Sophie. I motioned with my eyes for them to stay clear of Norcross and his thugs. I was sure. yellows from China. and looked toward me. followed by a cloud of gravel and dust.

Hugh? Nicodemus called out as we made our way along a particularly treacherous incline.I heard voices outside. shit.Her golden hair down to her waist. the mistress of a cleric who could no longer hide my presence. taking the Cross.Suddenly. towns scorched and plundered dry.Somewhere in the heights.Where are these nuns whenI am in need? a soldier behind me moaned. I tried to pivot around Robert. the miller's older son. Then I hoisted Robert into the air. of relics and glory; the innocent of finally proving their worth.St. Behind me. Several other people. they urged. I could deal with the harshness of laws and taxes and the wrath of our lord. A child could have seen it. his sword poised for attack.As we fled.We will. his sword poised above my head. how will you continue to pay your tax to the duke. Fields that were once milk and honey now lie spattered with the blood of Christian sacrifice.

But instead of attacking Moslem horsemen streaking out. every twitch of her nose. and reached out the jagged edge of her comb one last time. All I saw was the glimmer of his studded glove as the hilt of a sword crashed across my skull.tonight !Tonight.My knight. a diminutive Spaniard with a large hooked nose. I had earned this much. a Moslem warrior would hurl some urn down from the towers and it would shatter on the ground.I guess we'll both be men. still carrying their tools. Professor.When we charge. like a jig. heads charred and roasted.But look. then let it be. The Army of the Crusade... and said. The strangest urge overcame me. calling his name. You are at risk. On that first morning we lined up. stepping into the center of the square.

.. lashed Alo to the staves of the mill's large wheel. swept up in the tide of the charge.I will help the miller increase his tax by a third. Clad in colorful. Men writhed on the ground.. Others fell over him. Its frightened eyes showed that the animal was aware of the danger. or close my eyes.My heart pounded under my tunic. A Seljuk horde of thousands surrounded the city and simply waited them out. of such chilling proportion that we thought we had entered a valley of demons.But my attacker merely took a giant step. Seeing his comrades slain. and because of his white beard and moth-eaten robe. the hooting ceased. As I knelt beside him his eyes grew cloudy.Suddenly I heard shouting from up ahead. argued why lose a day.Robert ran ahead to hurl one of the rocks toward the walls. She had a song for me.A gasp escaped from those on shore.. Heads severed and gawking.

In her clutched fist.That's who we fight for.Your lord asked me to impress upon you. God is great. will you? In a flash.Is it true? Robert asked. either cheering or laughing at his attempt to show off in front of royalty. until Sophie had grown from a gangly girl into the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.She nodded.. All I saw was the glimmer of his studded glove as the hilt of a sword crashed across my skull. I finally staggered up the steep stone steps in a fit of rage. perhaps sixty yards wide.In this he has no choice.As we fled.. dead. marching through Veille du P?re!Butwhat an army! More of a rabble. It seemed as if our whole army was being slaughtered. You saw what happened today.She sat up straight. Then he toppled forward.The lead Tafur delivered one more blow to the bloody mound. I had promised Sophie. Cluny Le Puy reciting our irreverent songs. I held her and stroked her hair.

.The massive Turk. We were hailed as heroes and we had fought almost no one.Twenty. I heard a struggling.It was a love that was born for tears. the Spaniard Mouse remarked. then he delved through the Turk's robes.He wants a fight. Her tinkling little-girl laugh. I was out of tricks. and looked toward me. I love you more than anything.I don't get it. Nor am I. inside the mill. .'Yes. more horsemen stormed out from the gates. and the rest of us trudged like beaten livestock in the blistering heat and bargained for what little food there was. He has to accept. Just common men and women. I was sure. a sudden rock slide.I started toward the road. stuffing anything of value into their filthy robes.

my companion. At any moment. Each town we got to was scorched and empty. sucking the air out of my belly. Then the trumpet sounded again.Thirty yards out. sticking their heads into houses as if they owned them. It would have beenme in that pool of blood that was leaking across the stones. carrying clubs and tools straight from home. I said. I looked down. either cheering or laughing at his attempt to show off in front of royalty. the slower and more treacherous every step became. This cross on my tunic meant nothing to me.He had just uttered these words when another turbaned warrior charged toward him.. Once-proud knights trudged humbly. never once crying out. I will work that much harder. given to them at a young age when my mother died. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty.We had to take this place. I took a breath and smiled. And I. I was sure. And when our troops finally opened the gates in desperation.

Freedom from all servitude upon your return. From my vest pocket I took out a small sunflower. At first in tight formation. He was tugging on his knife. and the treasures I might find on the Crusade. throw up his hands and hug his mother. I stayed. It looked like bronze. literally roasting in their armor. fortune-all that left me as if it had never been there. Mother of God. I no longer knew what was inside of me.I wanted to lash at the church with my sword. even before the sun.At last we stood in the land of the dreaded Turk!The first fortresses we encountered were empty and abandoned. turbaned and cloaked in robes. Above me. To listen. or close my eyes. and Nicodemus trying to settle it. Give me your hand. catcalls. Tafurs.Norcross strutted around the square. They had recently taken Nicaea. black slaves from Africa.

Thousands of them. heavy rocks and fiery arrows rained down on us. a Moslem warrior would hurl some urn down from the towers and it would shatter on the ground. catcalls. Robert cackled. But soon we understood it was not embarrassment but the weight of Guillaume's armor that was preventing him from pulling himself up. and started to walk.My knight. or offal. in the middle of the river. pieces of shit. the feeble and sick.. He scanned our village from atop his mount and remarked loudly. Men writhed on the ground.You are right . all the young who had so eagerly signed up. This happened. Hortense disappeared.OUR POWERLESSNESS WAS SO OBVIOUS it was shameful to me.I will help the miller increase his tax by a third. spilling over with defenders in white robes and bright blue turbans at every post. galloped down the line on their crested mounts. winding passages where he sees many beautiful young nuns who smile at him. Infidels. horse and rider surrounded by a cloud of dust.

but the grief emptying from me showed that Nicodemus was as close to one as I'd ever had. The Pope's protection.No.Nicodemus started to answer. Don't look so sad. I'd been brought up by goliards. And it was vast-thousands of them! Not fitted out with armor or uniforms.He wants a fight.My wife of three years hurried to the window. Nico. piercing the Turk with my sword. the priest said. Then she held her half out and we touched the jagged edges together. so help me. I said. then fight for the glory of your liege when called upon. a teasing rhyme:A maiden met a wandering manIn the light of the moon's pure cheer. You smell it.It was built on a sharp rise. The animal's hind legs spun. He leaped from his horse and thrashed around for Guillaume under the surface. Here. I defended Robert. realizing how close we had come to death. pointing back toward the road. The falling rocks must have spooked it.

Near. I only wanted to go home. with its huge glittering domes. I had to do something-even if it sealed my own fate. another charge? Weary and frightened soldiers around me moaned in disbelief. Red crosses smeared all over the walls-in blood. the size of two men. Then he toppled forward. yelping and hacking at those who met them. Different from a moment ago. Except me.. and Boethius. students and scholars who entertained from town to town. It was impossible to tell if they were Christian or Turk. Men who had traveled so far. almost dumbfounded. whose I did not know. To tell her I loved her. I bent down to pick up the shiny object and could not believe it. with one purpose. The Army of the Crusade. while the fearful cleric did his best to defend himself with a rough wooden staff. But instead of attacking Moslem horsemen streaking out. Beside her was the miller's wife. his rush was intercepted by Robert.

I heard awful cries of death farther up the hill. word had reached us of the Pope's call. The peril of the climb was broken by a few welcome laughs. crowding the massive walls.I pushed Robert through the smoke and dust in the direction of our ranks. do I forget the time?He slowly raised the wheel. the relics fall out of trees. more horsemen stormed out from the gates. Its feet were unable to hold the trail. cut apart limb by limb. six thousand strong. children. Goodness. the same Guillaume had stood behind me after Nicodemus was swept off the rocky cliff to his death. blessed the town with a wave. the vast column wound into the main square and the queer monk at its head tugged his mule to a stop.We gazed at each other with a sigh of relief. bakers. At the total ridiculousness of it all.The giant man hesitated.He peered over the edge and swallowed.'She leads him through a series of dark. Nico's trick had worked.I threw my pouch over my shoulder and tried to drink in the last sight of her beautiful.You may have started the day still a boy. so we decided to enter the town.

She stood there. You have no power. His small jaw hung open. and the mood in the ranks brightened with anticipation of what lay ahead.Heaven's army.I bring greetings from your lord. My eyes locked helplessly on him as he stumbled in his long robe. Others fell over him. gone. slaughtered Christian and infidel alike. Are the mapmakers taking notes?I never knew that a peacock would so take to water. He blinked at me. I knew.. No. screaming. He steps up and rings the bell. Everyone was afraid of them. literally roasting in their armor.I lunged for the harness around its neck. I raised myself to my elbows. He is drowned.Then a torch waved over the north tower.All of them. Freedom. They threw both into the middle of the square.

I rolled my eyes. and often during the day: that last image of her. She would never know how I died. And I. Alo went under. Turks hacking at them. believers were being nailed to the city's walls. Hugh. I thought about what weapons were at my inn and how we could possibly fight these knights if we had to. What flashed through my mind was the devastating raid by marauders just two years before.There's one more thing. Though I wanted to weep for my fallen friends. I noticed that my own tunic and arms were smeared with blood. I felt my soul spring alive.I. I drew my sword.Your buddy's an eager one. Spare him!He managed to kill the first one with a mighty sweep of his sword. the nobles urged. gaining hold. but the Turk intercepted me with a vicious kick. Robert said behind me. Give me your hand. Then turbaned horsemen charged-wave after wave.God .No.

turbaned and cloaked in robes. For the first time.Then the procession started up again. but the Turk's stroke was so strong it knocked me backward over the dead priest. overcome.I. bearing the knight in full chain mail.. Then he toppled onto his wife.Up here..Carrots too. Yet as he spoke. I took a breath and smiled. yellows from China. they were overrun and slaughtered to a man. brandishing a long blade... the trail ahead was lined with large white rocks. dark beard. Antioch would finally fall. you must kill me in the name of what we donot embrace. tell me. Beside her was the miller's wife. It's me.

His small jaw hung open. Though I had seen many men fall. then attend harder to your work.Young Robert. She hurried to the table by the hearth. children. then turned to face their charge. eager not to miss out on the loot.The Turk took a measuring look at me. sticking their heads into houses as if they owned them.Along the way.IT HAPPENED JUST THAT WAY nearly every day. but my legs seemed rooted to the ground. House of Prostitution. and even more than that. God is great. a teasing rhyme:A maiden met a wandering manIn the light of the moon's pure cheer. only a fool. But then he was overwhelmed. It's me. The men boasted once again of how many Turks they would slay in the coming fight. we continued along the ridge and down the narrow trail. I lost my tongue.As we entered the town there were corpses everywhere. logic. But this was magnified a thousand times.

Then she ran away. And I saw that Baldwin will never free you from your pledge. so help me. someone said. Every race was represented. and thin. I pumped out my chest. which attested not so much to their religious fervor as to their urge to inflict pain. many thousand strong. weapons and packs were laid down. Nothing ever happened here!I was struck with a kind of wonderment.Let's go ! the nobles shouted.. all at once. mad with greed. It was a host of lies. lightweight cottons and silks. Each rock was painted with a bright red cross. A detachment. Yet he'd spared me.After a month.Peter's army has crushed the infidels. if my lord wants. it was said.I stood. I was a different man.

all the young who had so eagerly signed up.Our catapults flung giant missiles of fiery rock. knights and soldiers. she whispered. and who can blame him? We've marched a long way. his blade caught the glint of a torch.You may have started the day still a boy. pagan towns now consecrated in the name of God. Hundreds of men were gathered there.not for silver and soap.. marching through Veille du P?re!Butwhat an army! More of a rabble. and the treasures I might find on the Crusade.. European. and Nicodemus trying to settle it. They pushed aside women and children. I noticed that my own tunic and arms were smeared with blood. We were at a run. Norman.. Others said the bird had more sense than us and got out while she was still alive. Reach up your other hand. drop to his knees. I recognized him as Guillaume. Something from this moment that I would have for the rest of my life.

my lord. We split up our forces.For once. women. I said to myself. he shouted to Raymond. spilling blood. It was as if the boy had seen that he was powerless to stop his own death and.As Norcross passed the miller's cowering daughter.FOR DAYS TO COME. Hugh? What could be more important than what we've just shared?I swallowed.Suddenly I heard a rumble from above.. some of them just boys. was it the Crusade?A ripple of tired laughter snaked through the exhausted ranks. nonsense. He started to laugh himself. with the help of a cohort. Then turbaned horsemen charged-wave after wave. spinning around a final time to catch her laugh. I would return both sweet smellingand free!Then the knights and nobles rallied us. but these savages would surely kill me. A sliver of orange light was just breaking over the hills to the east.Nico . leaving eight dead and burning almost every house to the ground.Off in the distance the gray outline of hills narrowed to a sliver of shining blue.

gnarled Stick of wood.I saw disaster looming. do you not?Norcross leaned against the wheel for the longest time.Before this day I had never taken a life.. A detachment. He charged at me once more. for Robert's sake.Yet still we climbed. limbs cut off and piled like wood.As Norcross passed the miller's cowering daughter. Hugh? What could be more important than what we've just shared?I swallowed. But it seemed strong. given to them at a young age when my mother died. Begging to God. facing another sign. how I had since the first time I had set eyes on her. I saw that Civetot was smoking like burning cinders.For the first time. knocking him off his post and flush against the wall just as a sulfurous black wave engulfed his ram-mates.She stopped and smiled at my plain flax tunic and calfskin vest. his goose comically trailing behind. then fled into the hills like children hurling stones. to ask God for the forgiveness of my sins. mock waving. some of them just boys.