Chapter 6 Humpty Dumpty

However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and morehuman: when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it hadeyes and a nose and mouth; and when she had come close to it, she sawclearly that it was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. `It can't be anybodyelse!' she said to herself. `I'm as certain of it, as if his name were writtenall over his face.'

　　It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormousface. Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, onthe top of a high wall--such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered howhe could keep his balance--and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in theopposite direction, and he didn't take the least notice of her, she thought hemust be a stuffed figure after all.

　　`And how exactly like an egg he is!' she said aloud, standing withher hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him tofall.

　　`It's VERY provoking,' Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence,looking away from Alice as he spoke, `to be called an egg-- VERY!'

　　`I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir,' Alice gently explained. `Andsome eggs are very pretty, you know' she added, hoping to turn her remarkinto a sort of a compliment.

　　`Some people,' said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her asusual, `have no more sense than a baby!'

　　Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all likeconversation, she thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact, hislast remark was evidently addressed to a tree--so she stood and softlyrepeated to herself: -`Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:

　　Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses andall the King's men Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in hisplace again.'

　　`That last line is much too long for the poetry,' she added, almost out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.

　　`Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that,' Humpty Dumptysaid, looking at her for the first time, `but tell me your name and yourbusiness.'

　　`My NAME is Alice, but--'

　　`It's a stupid enough name!' Humpty Dumpty interruptedimpatiently. `What does it mean?'

　　`MUST a name mean something?' Alice asked doubtfully.

　　`Of course it must,' Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh: `MYname means the shape I am--and a good handsome shape it is, too. Witha name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.'

　　`Why do you sit out here all alone?' said Alice, not wishing to beginan argument.

　　`Why, because there's nobody with me!' cried Humpty Dumpty.

　　`Did you think I didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.'

　　`Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground?' Alice went on,not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-naturedanxiety for the queer creature. `That wall is so VERY narrow!'

　　`What tremendously easy riddles you ask!' Humpty Dumptygrowled out. `Of course I don't think so! Why, if ever I DID fall off-which there's no chance of--but IF I did--' Here he pursed his lips andlooked so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing. `IF Idid fall,' he went on, `THE KING HAS PROMISED ME--WITH HISVERY OWN MOUTH--to--to--'

　　`To send all his horses and all his men,' Alice interrupted, ratherunwisely.

　　`Now I declare that's too bad!' Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking intoa sudden passion. `You've been listening at doors--and behind trees-- anddown chimneys--or you couldn't have known it!'

　　`I haven't, indeed!' Alice said very gently. `It's in a book.'

　　`Ah, well! They may write such things in a BOOK,' HumptyDumpty said in a calmer tone. `That's what you call a History ofEngland, that is. Now, take a good look at me! I'm one that has spokento a King, _I_ am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and to show you I'm not proud, you may shake hands with me!' And he grinnedalmost from ear to ear, as he leant forwards (and as nearly as possible fellof the wall in doing so) and offered Alice his hand. She watched him alittle anxiously as she took it. `If he smiled much more, the ends of hismouth might meet behind,' she thought: `and then I don't know whatwould happen to his head! I'm afraid it would come off!'

　　`Yes, all his horses and all his men,' Humpty Dumpty went on.

　　`They'd pick me up again in a minute, THEY would! However, thisconversation is going on a little too fast: let's go back to the last remarkbut one.'

　　`I'm afraid I can't quite remember it,' Alice said very politely.

　　`In that case we start fresh,' said Humpty Dumpty, `and it's my turnto choose a subject--' (`He talks about it just as if it was a game!' thoughtAlice.) `So here's a question for you. How old did you say you were?'

　　Alice made a short calculation, and said `Seven years and sixmonths.'

　　`Wrong!' Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly. `You neversaid a word like it!'

　　`I though you meant "How old ARE you?"' Alice explained.

　　`If I'd meant that, I'd have said it,' said Humpty Dumpty.

　　Alice didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing.

　　`Seven years and six months!' Humpty Dumpty repeatedthoughtfully. `An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked MYadvice, I'd have said "Leave off at seven"--but it's too late now.'

　　`I never ask advice about growing,' Alice said indignantly.

　　`Too proud?' the other inquired.

　　Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. `I mean,' shesaid, `that one can't help growing older.'

　　`ONE can't, perhaps,' said Humpty Dumpty, `but TWO can. Withproper assistance, you might have left off at seven.'

　　`What a beautiful belt you've got on!' Alice suddenly remarked.

　　(They had had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and ifthey really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.)`At least,' she corrected herself on second thoughts, `a beautiful cravat, I should have said--no, a belt, I mean--I beg your pardon!' she added indismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she beganto wish she hadn't chosen that subject. `If I only knew,' the thought toherself, 'which was neck and which was waist!'

　　Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothingfor a minute or two. When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl.

　　`It is a--MOST--PROVOKING--thing,' he said at last, `when aperson doesn't know a cravat from a belt!'

　　`I know it's very ignorant of me,' Alice said, in so humble a tone thatHumpty Dumpty relented.

　　`It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a presentfrom the White King and Queen. There now!'

　　`Is it really?' said Alice, quite pleased to find that she HAD chosen agood subject, after all.

　　`They gave it me,' Humpty Dumpty continued thoughtfully, as hecrossed one knee over the other and clasped his hands round it, `they gaveit me--for an un-birthday present.'

　　`I beg your pardon?' Alice said with a puzzled air.

　　`I'm not offended,' said Humpty Dumpty.

　　`I mean, what IS an un-birthday present?'

　　`A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course.'

　　Alice considered a little. `I like birthday presents best,' she said atlast.

　　`You don't know what you're talking about!' cried Humpty Dumpty.

　　`How many days are there in a year?'

　　`Three hundred and sixty-five,' said Alice.

　　`And how many birthdays have you?'

　　`One.'

　　`And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, whatremains?'

　　`Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.'

　　Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful. `I'd rather see that done onpaper,' he said.

　　Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum- book,48 THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASSand worked the sum for him:

　　365 1 ___364 ___Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully. `Thatseems to be done right--' he began.

　　`You're holding it upside down!' Alice interrupted.

　　`To be sure I was!' Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned itround for him. `I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, thatSEEMS to be done right--though I haven't time to look it over thoroughlyjust now--and that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four dayswhen you might get un-birthday presents--'

　　`Certainly,' said Alice.

　　`And only ONE for birthday presents, you know. There's glory foryou!'

　　`I don't know what you mean by "glory,"' Alice said.

　　Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. `Of course you don't-till I tell you. I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"'

　　`But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock-down argument,"' Aliceobjected.

　　`When _I_ use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornfultone, `it means just what I choose it to mean--neither more nor less.'

　　`The question is,' said Alice, `whether you CAN make words meanso many different things.'

　　`The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, `which is to be master-that's all.'

　　Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minuteHumpty Dumpty began again. `They've a temper, some of them-particularly verbs, they're the proudest--adjectives you can do anythingwith, but not verbs--however, _I_ can manage the whole lot of them!

　　Impenetrability! That's what _I_ say!'

　　`Would you tell me, please,' said Alice `what that means?'

　　`Now you talk like a reasonable child,' said Humpty Dumpty,looking very much pleased. `I meant by "impenetrability" that we've hadenough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the restof your life.'

　　`That's a great deal to make one word mean,' Alice said in athoughtful tone.

　　`When I make a word do a lot of work like that,' said HumptyDumpty, `I always pay it extra.'

　　`Oh!' said Alice. She was too much puzzled to make any otherremark.

　　`Ah, you should see 'em come round me of a Saturday night,'

　　Humpty Dumpty went on, wagging his head gravely from side to side:

　　`for to get their wages, you know.'

　　(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see Ican't tell YOU.)`You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,' said Alice. `Wouldyou kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'

　　`Let's hear it,' said Humpty Dumpty. `I can explain all the poemsthat were ever invented--and a good many that haven't been invented justyet.'

　　This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse:

　　'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Didgyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were theborogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.

　　`That's enough to begin with,' Humpty Dumpty interrupted: `thereare plenty of hard words there. "BRILLIG" means four o'clock in theafternoon--the time when you begin BROILING things for dinner.'

　　`That'll do very well,' said Alice: and "SLITHY"?'

　　`Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy." "Lithe" is the same as"active." You see it's like a portmanteau--there are two meanings packedup into one word.'

　　`I see it now,' Alice remarked thoughtfully: `and what are"TOVES"?'

　　`Well, "TOVES" are something like badgers--they're something likelizards--and they're something like corkscrews.'

　　`They must be very curious looking creatures.'

　　`They are that,' said Humpty Dumpty: `also they make their nestsunder sun-dials--also they live on cheese.'

　　`Andy what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?'

　　`To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To"GIMBLE" is to make holes like a gimlet.'

　　`And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose?'

　　said Alice, surprised at her own ingenuity.

　　`Of course it is. It's called "WABE," you know, because it goes along way before it, and a long way behind it--'

　　`And a long way beyond it on each side,' Alice added.

　　`Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and miserable"(there's another portmanteau for you). And a "BOROGOVE" is a thinshabby-looking bird with its feathers sticking out all round-- somethinglike a live mop.'

　　`And then "MOME RATHS"?' said Alice. `I'm afraid I'm givingyou a great deal of trouble.'

　　`Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm notcertain about. I think it's short for "from home"--meaning that they'd losttheir way, you know.'

　　`And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?'

　　`Well, "OUTGRABING" is something between bellowing andwhistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear itdone, maybe--down in the wood yonder--and when you've once heard ityou'll be QUITE content. Who's been repeating all that hard stuff toyou?'

　　`I read it in a book,' said Alice. `But I had some poetry repeated tome, much easier than that, by--Tweedledee, I think it was.'

　　`As to poetry, you know,' said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out oneof his great hands, `_I_ can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it comesto that--'

　　`Oh, it needn't come to that!' Alice hastily said, hoping to keep himfrom beginning.

　　`The piece I'm going to repeat,' he went on without noticing herremark,' was written entirely for your amusement.'

　　Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so shesat down, and said `Thank you' rather sadly.

　　`In winter, when the fields are white,sing this song for your delight-only I don't sing it,' he added, as an explanation.

　　`I see you don't,' said Alice.

　　`If you can SEE whether I'm singing or not, you've sharper eyesthan most.' Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.

　　`In spring, when woods are getting green,I'll try and tell you what I mean.'

　　`Thank you very much,' said Alice.

　　`In summer, when the days are long,Perhaps you'll understand the song: In autumn, when theleaves are brown, Take pen and ink, and write it down.'

　　`I will, if I can remember it so long,' said Alice.

　　`You needn't go on making remarks like that,' Humpty Dumpty said:

　　`they're not sensible, and they put me out.'

　　`I sent a message to the fish: I told them"This is what I wish."The little fishes of the sea, They sent ananswer back to me.

　　The little fishes' answer was "We cannotdo it, Sir, because--"'

　　`I'm afraid I don't quite understand,' said Alice.

　　`It gets easier further on,' Humpty Dumpty replied.

　　`I sent to them again to say "It will bebetter to obey."The fishes answered with a grin, "Why,what a temper you are in!"I told them once, I told them twice:

　　They would not listen to advice.

　　I took a kettle large and new, Fit for thedeed I had to do.

　　My heart went hop, my heart went thump;I filled the kettle at the pump.

　　Then some one came to me and said,"The little fishes are in bed."I said to him, Imust wake them up again."I said it very loshouted in his ear.'

　　said it plain,ud and clear;"Then youI went andHumpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeatedthis verse, and Alice thought with a shudder, `I wouldn't have been themessenger for ANYTHING!'

　　`But he was very stiff and proud; Hesaid "You needn't shout so loud!"And he was very proud and stiff; Hesaid "I'd go and wake them, if--"I took a corkscrew from the shelf: Iwent to wake them up myself.

　　And when I found the door was locked,I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked.

　　And when I found the door was shut, Itried to turn the handle, but--'

　　There was a long pause.

　　`Is that all?' Alice timidly asked.

　　`That's all,' said Humpty Dumpty. `Good-bye.'

　　This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERYstrong hint that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civilto stay. So she got up, and held out her hand. `Good-bye, till we meetagain!' she said as cheerfully as she could.

　　`I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet,' Humpty Dumptyreplied in a discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake;`you're so exactly like other people.'

　　`The face is what one goes by, generally,' Alice remarked in athoughtful tone.

　　`That's just what I complain of,' said Humpty Dumpty. `Your faceis the same as everybody has--the two eyes, so--' (marking their places in the air with this thumb) `nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always thesame. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, forinstance--or the mouth at the top--that would be SOME help.'

　　`It wouldn't look nice,' Alice objected. But Humpty Dumpty onlyshut his eyes and said `Wait till you've tried.'

　　Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as henever opened his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said `Goodbye!' once more, and, getting no answer to this, she quietly walked away:

　　but she couldn't help saying to herself as she went, `Of all theunsatisfactory--' (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort to havesuch a long word to say) `of all the unsatisfactory people I EVER met--'

　　She never finished the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash shookthe forest from end to end.