After a while the noise seemed gradually to die away, till all wasdead silence, and Alice lifted up her head in some alarm. There was no oneto be seen, and her first thought was that she must have been dreamingabout the Lion and the Unicorn and those still lying at her feet, on whichshe had tried to cut the plum- cake, `So I wasn't dreaming, after all,' shesaid to herself, `unless--unless we're all part of the same dream. Only Ido hope it's MY dream, and not the Red King's! I don't like belonging toanother person's dream,' she went on in a rather complaining tone: `I've agreat mind to go and wake him, and see what happens!'
At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a loud shouting of`Ahoy! Ahoy! Check!' and a Knight dressed in crimson armour camegalloping down upon her, brandishing a great club. Just as he reachedher, the horse stopped suddenly: `You're my prisoner!' the Knight cried,as he tumbled off his horse.
Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened for him than forherself at the moment, and watched him with some anxiety as he mountedagain. As soon as he was comfortably in the saddle, he began once more`You're my--' but here another voice broke in `Ahoy! Ahoy! Check!'
and Alice looked round in some surprise for the new enemy.
This time it was a White Knight. He drew up at Alice's side, andtumbled off his horse just as the Red Knight had done: then he got onagain, and the two Knights sat and looked at each other for some timewithout speaking. Alice looked from one to the other in somebewilderment.
`She's MY prisoner, you know!' the Red Knight said at last.
`Yes, but then _I_ came and rescued her!' the White Knight replied.
`Well, we must fight for her, then,' said the Red Knight, as he tookup his helmet (which hung from the saddle, and was something the shapeof a horse's head), and put it on.
`You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?' the White Knightremarked, putting on his helmet too.
`I always do,' said the Red Knight, and they began banging away ateach other with such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out of the wayof the blows.
`I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,' she said to herself, asshe watched the fight, timidly peeping out from her hiding-place: `oneRule seems to be, that if one Knight hits the other, he knocks him off hishorse, and if he misses, he tumbles off himself--and another Rule seems tobe that they hold their clubs with their arms, as if they were Punch andJudy--What a noise they make when they tumble! Just like a whole setof fire- irons falling into the fender! And how quiet the horses are! Theylet them get on and off them just as if they were tables!'
Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed to be thatthey always fell on their heads, and the battle ended with their both fallingoff in this way, side by side: when they got up again, they shook hands,and then the Red Knight mounted and galloped off.
`It was a glorious victory, wasn't it?' said the White Knight, as hecame up panting.
`I don't know,' Alice said doubtfully. `I don't want to be anybody'sprisoner. I want to be a Queen.'
`So you will, when you've crossed the next brook,' said the WhiteKnight. `I'll see you safe to the end of the wood--and then I must goback, you know. That's the end of my move.'
`Thank you very much,' said Alice. `May I help you off with yourhelmet?' It was evidently more than he could manage by himself;however, she managed to shake him out of it at last.
`Now one can breathe more easily,' said the Knight, putting back hisshaggy hair with both hands, and turning his gentle face and large mildeyes to Alice. She thought she had never seen such a strange-lookingsoldier in all her life.
He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him very badly,and he had a queer-shaped little deal box fastened across his shoulder,upside-down, and with the lid hanging open. Alice looked at it with greatcuriosity.
`I see you're admiring my little box.' the Knight said in a friendly tone. `It's my own invention--to keep clothes and sandwiches in. Yousee I carry it upside-down, so that the rain can't get in.'
`But the things can get OUT,' Alice gently remarked. `Do youknow the lid's open?'
`I didn't know it,' the Knight said, a shade of vexation passing overhis face. `Then all the things much have fallen out! And the box is nouse without them.' He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going tothrow it into the bushes, when a sudden thought seemed to strike him, andhe hung it carefully on a tree. `Can you guess why I did that?' he said toAlice.
Alice shook her head.
`In hopes some bees may make a nest in it--then I should get thehoney.'
`But you've got a bee-hive--or something like one--fastened to thesaddle,' said Alice.
`Yes, it's a very good bee-hive,' the Knight said in a discontentedtone, `one of the best kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet.
And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the beesout--or the bees keep the mice out, I don't know which.'
`I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for,' said Alice. `It isn'tvery likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.'
`Not very likely, perhaps,' said the Knight: `but if they DO come, Idon't choose to have them running all about.'
`You see,' he went on after a pause, `it's as well to be provided forEVERYTHING. That's the reason the horse has all those anklets roundhis feet.'
`But what are they for?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
`To guard against the bites of sharks,' the Knight replied. `It's aninvention of my own. And now help me on. I'll go with you to the endof the wood--What's the dish for?'
`It's meant for plum-cake,' said Alice.
`We'd better take it with us,' the Knight said. `It'll come in handy ifwe find any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.'
This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag open very carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in puttingin the dish: the first two or three times that he tried he fell in himselfinstead. `It's rather a tight fit, you see,' he said, as they got it in a last;`There are so many candlesticks in the bag.' And he hung it to the saddle,which was already loaded with bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, andmany other things.
`I hope you've got your hair well fastened on?' he continued, as theyset off.
`Only in the usual way,' Alice said, smiling.
`That's hardly enough,' he said, anxiously. `You see the wind is soVERY strong here. It's as strong as soup.'
`Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blownoff?' Alice enquired.
`Not yet,' said the Knight. `But I've got a plan for keeping it fromFALLING off.'
`I should like to hear it, very much.'
`First you take an upright stick,' said the Knight. `Then you makeyour hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls off isbecause it hangs DOWN--things never fall UPWARDS, you know. It's aplan of my own invention. You may try it if you like.'
It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a fewminutes she walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every nowand then stopping to help the poor Knight, who certainly was NOT a goodrider.
Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off infront; and whenever it went on again (which it generally did rathersuddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise he kept on pretty well, exceptthat he had a habit of now and then falling off sideways; and as hegenerally did this on the side on which Alice was walking, she soon foundthat it was the best plan not to walk QUITE close to the horse.
`I'm afraid you've not had much practice in riding,' she ventured tosay, as she was helping him up from his fifth tumble.
The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little offended at theremark. `What makes you say that?' he asked, as he scrambled back into the saddle, keeping hold of Alice's hair with one hand, to save himselffrom falling over on the other side.
`Because people don't fall off quite so often, when they've had muchpractice.'
`I've had plenty of practice,' the Knight said very gravely: `plenty ofpractice!'
Alice could think of nothing better to say than `Indeed?' but she saidit as heartily as she could. They went on a little way in silence after this,the Knight with his eyes shut, muttering to himself, and Alice watchinganxiously for the next tumble.
`The great art of riding,' the Knight suddenly began in a loud voice,waving his right arm as he spoke, `is to keep--' Here the sentence ended assuddenly as it had begun, as the Knight fell heavily on the top of his headexactly in the path where Alice was walking. She was quite frightenedthis time, and said in an anxious tone, as she picked him up, `I hope nobones are broken?'
`None to speak of,' the Knight said, as if he didn't mind breakingtwo or three of them. `The great art of riding, as I was saying, is--to keepyour balance properly. Like this, you know--'
He let go the bridle, and stretched out both his arms to show Alicewhat he meant, and this time he fell flat on his back, right under thehorse's feet.
`Plenty of practice!' he went on repeating, all the time that Alice wasgetting him on his feet again. `Plenty of practice!'
`It's too ridiculous!' cried Alice, losing all her patience this time.
`You ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that you ought!'
`Does that kind go smoothly?' the Knight asked in a tone of greatinterest, clasping his arms round the horse's neck as he spoke, just in timeto save himself from tumbling off again.
`Much more smoothly than a live horse,' Alice said, with a littlescream of laughter, in spite of all she could do to prevent it.
`I'll get one,' the Knight said thoughtfully to himself. `One or two-several.'
There was a short silence after this, and then the Knight went on again. `I'm a great hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay younoticed, that last time you picked me up, that I was looking ratherthoughtful?'
`You WERE a little grave,' said Alice. `Well, just then I wasinventing a new way of getting over a gate--would you like to hear it?'
`Very much indeed,' Alice said politely.
`I'll tell you how I came to think of it,' said the Knight. `You see, Isaid to myself, "The only difficulty is with the feet: the HEAD is highenough already." Now, first I put my head on the top of the gate--then Istand on my head--then the feet are high enough, you see--then I'm over,you see.'
`Yes, I suppose you'd be over when that was done,' Alice saidthoughtfully: `but don't you think it would be rather hard?'
`I haven't tried it yet,' the Knight said, gravely: `so I can't tell forcertain--but I'm afraid it WOULD be a little hard.'
He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice changed the subjecthastily. `What a curious helmet you've got!' she said cheerfully. `Is thatyour invention too?'
The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet, which hung fromthe saddle. `Yes,' he said, `but I've invented a better one than that--like asugar loaf. When I used to wear it, if I fell off the horse, it alwaystouched the ground directly. So I had a VERY little way to fall, you see-But there WAS the danger of falling INTO it, to be sure. That happenedto me once--and the worst of it was, before I could get out again, the otherWhite Knight came and put it on. He thought it was his own helmet.'
The knight looked so solemn about it that Alice did not dare tolaugh. `I'm afraid you must have hurt him,' she said in a trembling voice,`being on the top of his head.'
`I had to kick him, of course,' the Knight said, very seriously. `Andthen he took the helmet off again--but it took hours and hours to get meout. I was as fast as--as lightning, you know.'
`But that's a different kind of fastness,' Alice objected.
The Knight shook his head. `It was all kinds of fastness with me, Ican assure you!' he said. He raised his hands in some excitement as he said this, and instantly rolled out of the saddle, and fell headlong into adeep ditch.
Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him. She was ratherstartled by the fall, as for some time he had kept on very well, and she wasafraid that he really WAS hurt this time. However, though she could seenothing but the soles of his feet, she was much relieved to hear that he wastalking on in his usual tone. `All kinds of fastness,' he repeated: `but itwas careless of him to put another man's helmet on--with the man in it,too.'
`How CAN you go on talking so quietly, head downwards?' Aliceasked, as she dragged him out by the feet, and laid him in a heap on thebank.
The Knight looked surprised at the question. `What does it matterwhere my body happens to be?' he said. `My mind goes on working allthe same. In fact, the more head downwards I am, the more I keepinventing new things.'
`Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did,' he went on aftera pause, `was inventing a new pudding during the meat- course.'
`In time to have it cooked for the next course?' said Alice. `Well, notthe NEXT course,' the Knight said in a slow thoughtful tone: `no,certainly not the next COURSE.'
`Then it would have to be the next day. I suppose you wouldn'thave two pudding-courses in one dinner?'
`Well, not the NEXT day,' the Knight repeated as before: `not thenext DAY. In fact,' he went on, holding his head down, and his voicegetting lower and lower, `I don't believe that pudding ever WAS cooked!
In fact, I don't believe that pudding ever WILL be cooked! And yet itwas a very clever pudding to invent.'
`What did you mean it to be made of?' Alice asked, hoping to cheerhim up, for the poor Knight seemed quite low-spirited about it.
`It began with blotting paper,' the Knight answered with a groan.
`That wouldn't be very nice, I'm afraid--'
`Not very nice ALONE,' he interrupted, quite eagerly: `but you'veno idea what a difference it makes mixing it with other things--such as gunpowder and sealing-wax. And here I must leave you.' They had justcome to the end of the wood.
Alice could only look puzzled: she was thinking of the pudding.
`You are sad,' the Knight said in an anxious tone: `let me sing youa song to comfort you.'
`Is it very long?' Alice asked, for she had heard a good deal ofpoetry that day.
`It's long,' said the Knight, `but very, VERY beautiful. Everybodythat hears me sing it--either it brings the TEARS into their eyes, or else--'
`Or else what?' said Alice, for the Knight had made a sudden pause.
`Or else it doesn't, you know. The name of the song is called"HADDOCKS' EYES."'
`Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?' Alice said, trying to feelinterested.
`No, you don't understand,' the Knight said, looking a little vexed.
`That's what the name is CALLED. The name really IS "THE AGEDAGED MAN."'
`Then I ought to have said "That's what the SONG is called"?' Alicecorrected herself.
`No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The SONG iscalled "WAYS AND MEANS": but that's only what it's CALLED, youknow!'
`Well, what IS the song, then?' said Alice, who was by this timecompletely bewildered.
`I was coming to that,' the Knight said. `The song really IS "ASITTING ON A GATE": and the tune's my own invention.'
So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall on its neck:
then, slowly beating time with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting uphis gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the music of his song, he began.
Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her journey Through TheLooking-Glass, this was the one that she always remembered most clearly.
Years afterwards she could bring the whole scene back again, as if it hadbeen only yesterday--the mild blue eyes and kindly smile of the Knight-the setting sun gleaming through his hair, and shining on his armour in a blaze of light that quite dazzled her--the horse quietly moving about, withthe reins hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass at her feet--and theblack shadows of the forest behind--all this she took in like a picture, as,with one hand shading her eyes, she leant against a tree, watching thestrange pair, and listening, in a half dream, to the melancholy music of thesong.
`But the tune ISN'T his own invention,' she said to herself: `it's "IGIVE THEE ALL, I CAN NO MORE."' She stood and listened veryattentively, but no tears came into her eyes.
`I'll tell thee everything I can;There's little to relate. I saw an aged aged man,A-sitting on a gate. "Who are you, aged man?" I said,"and how is it you live?" And his answer trickled throughmy head Like water through a sieve.
He said "I look for butterflies Thatsleep among the wheat: I make them into mutton-pies,And sell them in the street. I sell them unto men," he said,"Who sail on stormy seas; And that's the way I get mybread--A trifle, if you please."But I was thinking of a plan To dyeone's whiskers green, And always use so large a fanThat they could not be seen. So, having no reply to giveTo what the old man said, I cried, "Come, tell me how youlive!" And thumped him on the head.
His accents mild took up the tale: Hesaid "I go my ways, And when I find a mountain-rill,I set it in a blaze; And thence they make a stuff they callRolands' Macassar Oil-- Yet twopence-halfpenny is allThey give me for my toil."But I was thinking of a way To feedoneself on batter, And so go on from day to dayGetting a little fatter. I shook him well from side to side,Until his face was blue: "Come, tell me how you live," Icried, "And what it is you do!"He said "I hunt for haddocks' eyesAmong the heather bright, And work them into waistcoat-buttons In the silent night. And these Ido not sell for gold Or coin of silvery shineBut for a copper halfpenny, And that will purchase nine.
"I sometimes dig for buttered rolls,Or set limed twigs for crabs; I sometimes search the grassyknolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs. Andthat's the way" (he gave a wink) "By which I get mywealth-- And very gladly will I drinkYour Honour's noble health."I heard him then, for I had justCompleted my design To keep the Menai bridge from rustBy boiling it in wine. I thanked much for telling meThe way he got his wealth, But chiefly for his wish that heMight drink my noble health.
And now, if e'er by chance I put Myfingers into glue Or madly squeeze a right-hand footInto a left-hand shoe, Or if I drop upon my toeA very heavy weight, I weep, for it reminds me so,Of that old man I used to know-Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow,Whose hair was whiter than the snow, Whose face wasvery like a crow, With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,Who seemed distracted with his woe, Who rocked hisbody to and fro, And muttered mumblingly and low,As if his mouth were full of dough, Who snorted like abuffalo--That summer evening, long ago, A-sitting on a gate.' As the Knight sang the last words of the ballad, hegathered up the reins, and turned his horse's head along the road bywhich they had come. `You've only a few yards to go,' he said,' down thehill and over that little brook, and then you'll be a Queen-- But you'll stayand see me off first?' he added as Alice turned with an eager look in thedirection to which he pointed. `I shan't be long. You'll wait and wave your handkerchief when I get to that turn in the road? I think it'llencourage me, you see.'
`Of course I'll wait,' said Alice: `and thank you very much forcoming so far--and for the song--I liked it very much.'
`I hope so,' the Knight said doubtfully: `but you didn't cry so muchas I thought you would.'
So they shook hands, and then the Knight rode slowly away into theforest. `It won't take long to see him OFF, I expect,' Alice said to herself,as she stood watching him. `There he goes! Right on his head as usual!
However, he gets on again pretty easily--that comes of having so manythings hung round the horse--' So she went on talking to herself, as shewatched the horse walking leisurely along the road, and the Knighttumbling off, first on one side and then on the other. After the fourth orfifth tumble he reached the turn, and then she waved her handkerchief tohim, and waited till he was out of sight.
`I hope it encouraged him,' she said, as she turned to run down thehill: `and now for the last brook, and to be a Queen! How grand itsounds!' A very few steps brought her to the edge of the brook. `TheEighth Square at last!' she cried as she bounded across,* * * * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * * *and threw herself down to rest on a lawn as soft as moss, with littleflower-beds dotted about it here and there. `Oh, how glad I am to gethere! And what IS this on my head?' she exclaimed in a tone of dismay,as she put her hands up to something very heavy, and fitted tight all roundher head.
`But how CAN it have got there without my knowing it?' she said toherself, as she lifted it off, and set it on her lap to make out what it couldpossibly be.
It was a golden crown.
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